Hello again to all....It's been a almost a year since my last entry and I plan to write frequently. It will be an open and honest portrayal of life, love, God, transformation, family and hope for the future. What it means to be a man and why I wanted or needed to end a relationship though it was the love of my life. And yes, I didn't go about it the right way. She said she had never loved a man as much as me but we just couldn't make it work. Past things do affect the future....  The more you learn the more you realize you don't know much. I didn't write because it was such an incredible year of change that often I didn't understand or even comprehend the depth of it until now. Opening businesses, closing others, depression, anxiety, love, a depth of spiritual awakening  I never experienced before and so much more...I know what I want deeply and what makes me happy (family , friends and companionship ). Leaning how to love and keep a level head  and live despite the harshness of business . How many judge others despite the claims to the contrary. How love isn't enough and yet it is something we all crave , need and want to experience. Because even with money. We ALL are looking for that safe harbor of love. To go to the safe spot no matter what. You though you had it but I was wrong.  But that's ok. I learned and will learn so much as I heal and move forward.  The old me is gone and I look for solace and guidance in God. Many of you will read this and think I (you) believe in something but just not that God. Well, we as humans the world over seem to crave or have the need to meditate, or think about a higher power. Mine is the higher power of the bible. Ie God and Jesus Christ. We can have a reasonable discussion about it. Like love, you know it but it something you can't touch or make a physical thing, but you know it's there.  I have been healed in so many ways  but am a work in progress.  I started going to counseling and made the mistake of stopping when things got better. Yes guys and fellow manly men...I highly recommend going to help you sort out stuff if you need. There are at times we need to be a little softer than we are...but that can go too far. too.   Gone are the nightmares and much of the anxiety. But some stuff still remains and I will talk about that journey.  I am a blessed man. A business that is exciting and flourishing and much more... I have an incredible son who opened the door to unconditional love.  This will be my story....it will jump to the past, forward to the future and in between..