It's Sunday morning and all is quiet...I am  sitting her drinking coffee and trying to slowly engage the world and feel the need to write.  Drue is back after a five week visit with his mom for the summer. We spent part of the weekend at the lake in Nebraska.  The weather didn't cooperate and the mosquitos were out in force. It was fun but we came home a day early.   Wow, I just love having him home.  So much has changed he said, business has grown, the woman he liked so much as my GF, is no longer part of our lives, a temporary roommate moved into the  basement and a few other smaller things.  On the ride home from the lake we made a few goals for the next year and life.   Some big ones like I want to find a wife in the next couple of years. :)  I would have never said that two years ago.  Buy a house etc...part of me wants to buy the one I am in but  I think a house with some acreage would be much better. The other side of me probably thinks a smaller house or condo would be in order since Drue will be in college in four years.

It has been a few weeks since I or we broke up. I have never had a such a deep relationship and I do long for those deep talks and touch.   How do you repeat such a thing...I am angry with God and life at times because I have been faithful to what he said to do.  Giving up so much for my son and my dad.  I feel he has been so distant at times.  I pray, I maintained my faith, I am relying on him but it just seems like this isn't the way it was supposed to happen.  Forgiveness, Faith, Redemption, Sacrifice and LOVE.  I thought I had it....He will answer your prayers though you have screwed up so many times. BUT,  then LIFE happens.  During this I look at what has happened across the world and say my life isn't so bad.  The Dallas shootings, attacks in France  anmd I look at how the families loss of these people and just say get over yourself John. Life isn't so bad. 

As I start to  write again I want to talk about love and life and faith.  How the three are so intertwined with happiness and joy.  We all want LOVE. We are built and made to have it, Without it there isn't much...from our kids, our extended family and from "THE ONE" we all look and hope is in our lives.  I don't think we are supposed to be alone!!  I just shudder from that thought. I see some of my friends that have a good marriage and hope it's as good as I think. Then I see and KNOW of others that it is a completely miserable experience.  I want the good one :) 

Though I haven't talked to her in a couple of weeks I think of her so often. Too often...how do you get over this stuff?  In previous break ups it was easy. Just fond the next one and break that emotional and spiritual bond.  I haven't been able to do that. I have been very busy with business. Getting together with friends for coffee and dinner and so forth.  Many have well meaning intentions and want to introduce others but now is not the time.  Before, I would have welcomed the distraction.  Ego says yes, but deep down it is not the way to go....I need to heal some more. From this and a few other things.  But that's another story.  I still want love...God, You said if I did this...If I honored my father, then you would honor me.  I have been faithful to my son, my father and others.  I am struggling...

I want these things because...and not in order of importance

I want to show my son how to love a woman and see a good relationship

I want to love another deeply, spiritually, emotionally, physically

I want to be loved the same way

I want a family that he can see and how it should be...

I want a woman to love him and show it daily in the home.

I like the noise of family and togetherness

I want to create memories

I want grandchildren...

I want the family dinners and meals

I want to go to church as a family

I want to go camping as a family

I love preparing and want to prepare meals for others

Family and true  love is more important that anything.

It sounds like a cliché but those are the most important.