It's mid morning on a Tuesday.  I don't know why but today I woke up missing her tremendously.  I was at a friends house for dinner yesterday  and a  beautiful double rainbow presented itself. It was so beautiful and fitting. A collation of colors emerging from the storm as light shined on the cloud.

I was struck by its beauty and texted it to a few people.  One wrote back and said it reminded them of God's promise. Part of me did find comfort in that but another part of me is hurting and I said to myself.  I have to maintain the faith that this is temporary and that his promise will be fulfilled.  I pray daily for her, her family as well as mine and that I be guided in all that I do. I think back to the rainbow and I hope there is light and colors as the emotional and spiritual  storm rages (at times)within me. I find comfort spending times with families and kids.  I find comfort in spending time with my son. I find comfort in spending time with friends.  I find comfort in praying and seeking guidance.  I know many meditate and seek comfort from the 'Universe" of some other entity.  I have been there and done that. I just know that the tremendous healing and peace come from the God that I know and pray to.... That doesn't mean all is perfect. It just means I lean more on him and the relationship I have spiritually. I used to question what other people (Christians) had and I never understood it.

I am still madly in love with this woman and I am not sure if that is a good thing. I ask, how can this be...why does it have to be this way. I wish I could move on and get on with life like I have always done when a relationship ends. I ask God to take it away. Make me mad at her or have her do something that allows me to get angry and stay that way so I can justify and know that it is the end forever. But it just doesn't happen.  These are felling and thoughts I have never had to sort  or go through. The depth of the relationship was great and I miss it. How do you love again and find it. I am not looking at all but want it. I know that is a cliché but it is what we all want!